Monday, May 18, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: Hillary Clinton Comes out as a Mime

Hillary Clinton Comes Out as Mime 

May 18, 2015 -Washington, D.C.

Former U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton disclosed via an interpreter today that she actually has been responding to media questions, but that she has discovered herself to actually be a mime. 

"She said that in her heart of hearts she always knew herself to be a mime, and she now feels that it is an appropriate time in her life to come out as to who she really is," said Susyn Smyth-Morey-Elders, a spokesperson for the International Sisterhood of Womyn Mimes Local 537, and a certified mime interpreter for the Democratic Presidential hopeful. "She is currently working on developing a system of communicating that is consistent with her new-found identity."

During a follow-up conference, when asked about the unsavory characters from oppressive middle-east countries who contributed to the Clinton Foundation, Mrs. Clinton pretended to be in a box, at which point she pantomimed grabbing dollar bills out of the air.

Mrs. Clinton's husband, former president Bill Clinton, said that he supports his wife's decision. "I can't tell you how absolutely peaceful it's been at home lately. I can actually hear myself think now." Said Mr. Clinton.