Top Ten Reasons Norway Should Keep its Consulate open in Minneapolis

You may have read or heard the story of how Norway is now considering closing its consulate in Minneapolis, which has been operating since 1906. Today, Governor Pawlenty sent a letter to the Consulate asking that they reconsider their decision to confer "honorary status" to their Minneapolis Consulate, while opening new working consulates in Spain and China.

With apologies to the Nihlist, I wish to render these Top Ten Reasons why the Norwegian Consulate should stay in Minneapolis.

10. They will find the stories offered by the Beijing newspapers to be way too conservative when compared with the Strib.

9. You just can't get a good lefse breakfast anywhere in Madrid nowadays.

8. Cheesy Sven & Ole jokes now bombarding the consulate will be replaced by even cheesier Chin and Chung jokes in Beijing.

7. Norwegian Consulate workers wouldn't be able to stomach the spicy food in Madrid. Or Shanghai. Or Milwaukee. Or...

6. If they were to move out, the government of Norway would be required to first pick up the exorbitant haz-mat costs for cleanup of the lab where they've been illegally manufacturing lutefisk all these years.

5. They will undoubtedly be receiving drunk phone calls in Beijing at 2am from Nick Coleman, wondering why they didn't take him with.

4. Spain just may surrender to the Norwegians, leaving the consulate with a bit more responsibility than they bargained for.

3. Being forced to try Flamenco dancing may cause otherwise stiff Norwegians to maim themselves.

2. The folks at Norwegianity will lose a major source for their self-esteem, causing them to declare bankruptcy after hiring a series of high-priced grief counselors.

1. Minneapolis is the only place in the world that makes Norway look conservative.