Saturday, June 17, 2006

Annual English Teachers' awards for best student metaphors/analogies found in actual student papers

I cannot attest as to its authenticity, but a funny read nonetheless:


Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. angel.gif

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. banana2.gif

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. blink.gif

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. yahoo.gif

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. shok.gif

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. pilot.gif

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. imsorry.gif

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. no_smiley.gif

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 9lame.gif

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. drinks.gif

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. clap.gif

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. imsorry.gif

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. banana2.gif

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. bunny7.gif

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. Cartangry.gif

Shots rang out, as shots are want to do. bash.gif

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George, this plan just might work. dunno.gif

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. bash.gif

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. goofydance.gif

The ballerina rose gracefully en point and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. toilet_claw.gif

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. vroam.gif

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. nyahnyah.gif


(Filed under fun stuff)