Roger and Algore... let the lip-lock begin...

The little Weeble, Roger Ebert, gives his review of Algore's new movie...(and I give mine)

I want to write this review so every reader will begin it and finish it.

Sorry, Roger--Mission not accomplished.

I am a liberal,

That explains a lot...

but I do not intend this as a review reflecting any kind of politics. It reflects the truth as I understand it, and it represents, I believe, agreement among the world's experts.

Sorry, Roger--I think the only thing you may ever understand is where to find a good cheeseburger...

Global warming is real.
It is caused by human activity.

...err...bullshit

Mankind and its governments must begin immediate action to halt and reverse it.

Translation: The United States must immediately transfer all its wealth.

If we do nothing, in about 10 years the planet may reach a "tipping point" and begin a slide toward destruction of our civilization and most of the other species on this planet.

The only "tipping point" Ebert and Algore ever reach is when they almost leave a quarter behind at the restaurant table.

These facts are stated by Al Gore in the documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." Forget he ever ran for office. Consider him a concerned man speaking out on the approaching crisis. "There is no controversy about these facts," he says in the film. "Out of 925 recent articles in peer-review scientific journals about global warming, there was no disagreement. Zero."

(Unfortunately, Algore never bothered to notice the inconvenient truth located here).

He stands on a stage before a vast screen, in front of an audience. The documentary is based on a speech he has been developing for six years, and is supported by dramatic visuals.

With Algore's level of intellect, he probably has to plan for six years in order to be able to take a piss in the right place.

He shows the famous photograph "Earthrise," taken from space by the first American astronauts. Then he shows a series of later space photographs, clearly indicating that glaciers and lakes are shrinking, snows are melting, shorelines are retreating.

Hmmm... I wonder if Algore was around for the end of the last ice age? The only things that are retreating and shrinking is any semblance of sanity left in Algore's and Ebert's brains...

He provides statistics: The 10 warmest years in history were in the last 14 years.

Oh really? Just how old is Algore?

Last year South America experienced its first hurricane. Japan and the Pacific are setting records for typhoons. Hurricane Katrina passed over Florida, doubled back over the Gulf, picked up strength from unusually warm Gulf waters, and went from Category 3 to Category 5. There are changes in the Gulf Stream and the jet stream.

Don't you mean the "carbon neutral" cross-country promotional tours on Algore's private Gulfstream jet?

Cores of polar ice show that carbon dioxide is much, much higher than ever before in a quarter of a million years. It was once thought that such things went in cycles. Gore stands in front of a graph showing the ups and downs of carbon dioxide over the centuries. Yes, there is a cyclical pattern. Then, in recent years, the graph turns up and keeps going up, higher and higher, off the chart.

Off the chart? You mean like Algore's index score on Scale 8 of the MMPI?

The primary man-made cause of global warming is the burning of fossil fuels.

The primary cause of global warming is the flatulence that comes out of Algore's pie-hole every time he speaks.

Gore says that although there is "100 percent agreement" among scientists, a database search of newspaper and magazine articles shows that 57 percent question the fact of global warming, while 43 percent support it. These figures are the result, he says, of a disinformation campaign started in the 1990s by the energy industries to "reposition global warming as a debate."

Okay Al... time for your Prozac...

It is the same strategy used for years by the defenders of tobacco. My father was a Luckys smoker who died of lung cancer in 1960, and 20 years later it was still "debatable" that there was a link between smoking and lung cancer.

You mean like when Algore stated:

"“I want you to know that with my own hands, all of my life, I put [tobacco] in the plant beds and transferred it. I’ve hoed it, I’ve dug in it, I’ve sprayed it, I’ve chopped it, I’ve shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn, and stripped it and sold it” (Newsday, 2-26-88)

Perhaps throughout all of this, Ebert may have taken a second to remove his liplock from Algore's picture just long enough to breathe.

I'll give this to Al Gore. He appropriately named his film, "An Inconvenient Truth." Since for Algore, the truth has always been inconvenient.


(Filed under enviro-whackism)