Well, in a fortunate set of circumstances, the crack staff here at the Ice Palace have obtained a list of gifts in Obama's prize closet that he intends to give on his next globetrotting magical mystery tour of the planet.
For instance, when Barack Hussein Obama next visits Saudi Arabia, one can only imagine the look on Sheikh Salabeen's face when he gathers a quaff of this:
From Dale Air, a host of different fragrances that will add new life to any Arab Sheikh's palace! Available fragrances, among others, include vomit, urine, and pencil shavings!
Upon jetting off from Saudi Arabia to Uganda, Obama really intends to display an aire of sophistication and a dash of empathy with this stocking stuffer. No doubt Obama's teleprompter will direct him to say, "You think you have disease and pestilence in your country? Well, get a load of this!"
Obama: "Ubangi fever, you say? Well--take a look at the guy with the really bad case of genital warts on page 34! See, you ain't got it so bad! There's some hopenchange for ya, brother!"
Imagine the laughs emanating from the Ugandan palace as the starving masses gather outside, when the Ugandan President cracks open the metal egg, only to find out that there's a felt-egg inside. "If you don't eat it," says Obama, "It'll last forever!"
Next stop, Papua, New Guinea, currently in the midst of a tapeworm epidemic, where he presents the New Guinea consulate with:
Obama: "As I proved on 60 Minutes when I laughed at the prospect of our economy hitting rock bottom, I have found that comedy really lightens the load! And I hear that these things taste great, too!"
Obama: "Remember that red button we gave you that kinda looked like the nuclear football? The one that said, "Reset" on it? Or at least we thought it did? Yeah--sorry you misunderstood that. But look, this here gift is a symbol of our growing relationship, or my growing stupidity, depending on how you take it."
Next back home to what is left of the United States, where the Obamateur will embark on a goodwill tour, and will visit poverty stricken areas in Appalachia and in Detroit. No doubt these parting gifts that Obama will leave will create a big laugh:
Yes, a fake lottery ticket! Imagine the joy on the faces of those destitute people who, upon scratching the numbers, think they actually won $10,000! And, imagine the disappointment when, like Obama's stimulus plan, they find the ticket to be worthless!
Yeah, it'll be a riot. Literally.
Well--that's all the time we have for now, but stay tuned for more tasteless gift ideas from the Obamateur!